Published on July 15th, 2015 | by Dembonez190
How NOT to Tick Your Teammates Off – A Splatoon Story
This article is as true as it is satirical and has more to do with Turf Wars than Ranked matches as Ranked has its OWN general dos and don’ts. All of us who own this game and play it frequently have run across teammates that simply do not understand the meaning of the word “teamwork”. This list could be used as a tool for those who think they may be holding their teams back or as a warning to those who have yet to run across these issues. Trolls need not adhere to this list at all because we all know that it’s your life’s goal to press the buttons of strangers. I suppose you could use this as a guide of what TO do. For whatever reason you are reading this, take notes, and also know that I poured my heart, soul, and mounds of salt into this article.
Tip #1 – Ink your own path.
This applies heavily to the beginning of a match, and this is probably one of the most minor infractions on the list. Still, a sin is a sin. Since the goal of Splatoon is to ink as much ground as possible, it seems counterproductive to follow a teammate in the beginning of a match. If someone already has an area covered, find somewhere else to go! This is most noticeable on a map like Port Mackerel which features four distinct paths out of the gate. There is a path on the top-left, a path on the top-right, and two paths below each of them. If you have a routine for a particular map, you may have to switch it up this one time in favor of grabbing some early points and taking control of your base immediately. This will make life so much easier for your teammates as they will have multiple paths to swim through at the base should they be splatted. It wastes time for you to follow someone just to have another teammate ink what you missed leaving everyone else at a 4-to-3 deficit against the opposing team. Not only is your teammate taking YOUR points, but your opponents basically have an early advantage because you refused to ink a path for the people you are supposed to be helping.
Tip #2 – Leave the details.
We’re not a bunch of Rembrandts. We’re squid-kids. Not everything has to be covered in ink. As long as there is a smooth path to swim through, it is not necessary to cover every speck of fresh ground. I fear this is part of a problem that I will discuss later, but far too often do I see my teammates stuck in one area because the rest of us just happened to miss a few dots around our base. Yes, the goal is to cover as much ground in your ink as possible, but if there is no glaringly bare area, you should feel free to press forward. Staying behind to cover insignificant patches will ALSO put your team at a 4-to-3 deficit but for the WRONG reason. Your team needs your help. Besides, freckles are beautiful.
Tip #3 – Don’t be a hero.
Maybe you have played too much single-player, and you think you are God’s gift to the team because you just destroyed the final boss. Sorry to burst your Bubbler, but you’re not. If all of your teammates have been splatted by an obnoxious Kraken, they will probably want to super jump to you to seek revenge on that now vulnerable Krak-On Roller user who relies solely on the Kraken for splats. You were in the safest position at the time your teammates were decimated, after all, and it would be great for the team to regroup somewhere in the middle quickly instead of having to swim/run from the base manually. If you’re still somewhere safe when you’re left alone or you are able to swim to safety, either stay there or move there respectively! If you Leeroy Jenkins your way into enemy ink by yourself with no reason to, you will likely be splatted as well since all of your opponents will be seeking you out anyway. There is no easier way to lose a match than to have all four members of your team taken out at once at ANY point, so when you see three names pop up on your television accompanied by a frantic dinging sound, your team is counting on YOU, so don’t let them down. You can be their hero that way instead.
Tip #4 – Watch the map.
Until we are able to create teams of four with our friends in August, we are stuck with “Booyah” and “C’mon” as our means of communicating. “Booyah” is pretty whatever. It could mean anything, but it is usually a sign of support. Whenever someone says “C’mon” mid-match, they are either super frustrated, are being annoying, or are in need of assistance. Look at the map to assess which of your teammates need you to super jump to them! Of course, one example is when a teammate uses “C’mon”. If they’re safe and close to the opposing base, they need someone to help them reach the top. So often have I said “C’mon” while my teammates sweated the details. So often have I been disappointed. If you fly to someone 10 seconds later and are splatted promptly, don’t be upset with them for your tardiness. If you are in an area that doesn’t require your attention (like your base at Saltspray Rig most of the time), look at your map to jump to a teammate. If they’re being surrounded by enemy ink, then super jumping to them at that point is just as bad as being a hero. Finally, to avoid being a hero, make sure your teammates are alive and well! You can see if they’ve been splatted on the tv, but you will need to pinpoint an area on the map to swim to in order to get away and allow them to jump to you. Always pay attention to what’s going on around the map if you can take a breather and glance down. It takes less than a second to see problem areas or who needs help. It also takes less than a second to be splatted, so don’t dillydally once you’ve figured things out.
Tip #5 – Take care of Squid Beakons
This is a dual purpose item and refers to both setting a Beakon and jumping to it. First, I would like to mention that it IS indeed spelled “Beakon” (with a “k”) in the game because of squid beaks, so let’s keep spellcheck at bay. Okay? Anyway, we should all think of the Squid Beakon as somewhat of a luxury. You wouldn’t waste a fine wine by drinking it on any day of any week. Likewise, you should not jump to a Beakon unless it is necessary. Beakons that are properly placed are there for when your team is desperate. This desperation usually rears its ugly head when there isn’t a lot of time left, and you need something to super jump to quickly. It can also be beneficial when the opposing team ignores it, inks the area surrounding it, and retreats. It should NOT be used as a replacement for a safe teammate as a Beakon cannot fight for or with you. You will merely destroy it upon jumping to it causing the Beakon placer to have to put it back. As for the Beakon placer, do NOT place a Beakon on or around your own team’s spawn point. I mean, really. What good does that do when we could simply jump to the respawn area if necessary? It’s times like that where I wish I could destroy my team’s Beakons with my weapon because it’s pointless. You only get three Beakons. Please use them responsibly.
Tip #6 – Don’t just walk.
Okay, so I understand that charger weapons are splat weapons and are not necessarily used to cover the map and earn lots of points, but that doesn’t mean you should just walk to your post and start splatting away without inking a path first. This is a unique item on the list because I have only seen it happen with charger users who don’t completely grasp just HOW beneficial a charger is to everyone else on the team. Have you seen how far a charger’s blast goes? Do you see the path it creates that allows your teammates to advance quickly? Did you know that it creates paths on walls for your teammates to climb? Competent charger users are just as amazing as teammates as they are annoying as opponents. SOME charger users, however, think they’re so entitled that they don’t need to fire their weapons until an enemy is in sight. This is not only counterproductive as you slow your teammates down who are FORCED to follow you and cover the ground you walked on, but it’s pretty obnoxious of you to think you’re that good when there’s absolutely no way you’ll be earning as many points as everyone else anyway. Splats don’t win matches, chargers.
Tip #7 – Move!!
It all boils down to this, and I can’t believe it even has to be mentioned in a game like this. MOVE!!! It is imperative that at some point during the match, you will need to pull your britches up and go somewhere. Is a charger intimidating you with that narrow scope line hovering over your head? MOVE! Are we currently losing with 30 seconds left on the clock, and you’re worried about being able to make a comeback? MOVE! Are you a charger who thinks you can just sit in one spot for eternity and not have anyone challenge you? MOVE! Do you think that staying in one position on the map while the opposing team corners you is helpful to your splatted teammates? MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! If a charger’s scope is hovering over YOUR head, it means it isn’t focused on a teammate! Take one for the team by moving, so that a teammate can splat the bastard! I have seen amazing comebacks happen in the last 10 seconds of a Turf War! If you are a charger, and you are being overwhelmed, find a different vantage point! If you’re about to be boxed in by an entire team, attempt to swim away, defend yourself, or jump to the base or a teammate! JUST MOVE! Splatoon is a game where you HAVE to get your hands dirty, and mobility is absolutely crucial. If you’re too afraid to move or too proud to be splatted, then stop playing because CLEARLY you are not too afraid or too proud to let yourself and those around you down.
Even if we are just strangers, we’re stuck with each other until August. YOU are ultimately the one that determines how a match goes for you, and a lot of it is trial and error. The only way you’re going to figure it out is if you get in there and be the BEST damn teammate you can be!